This entry was posted on Dec 21 2009 by

(un)scripted: It ain’t over ’til it’s over.

Let’s just say I’m a persistent (some might say pathological) reviser.  For me, the most agonizing experience is when a book arrives fresh from the printer, I sit down to read it for the first time in completed form . . . and I notice a new crop of things about the story that I’d like to change.  I’m not alone in this writer’s hell: In his essay “Tennessee Williams: Someone to Laugh at the Squares With,” Gore Vidal recalls seeing Williams revise a story that had already seen print.  When Vidal asked why he was continuing to polish a published piece, Williams replied, “Well, obviously it’s not finished.”  Tennessee, I feel your pain.

The Surrogates was well into production (the third issue was in print, and the fourth was going to the printer) when it occurred to me that I wanted to rewrite the dialogue in one of the book’s pivotal scenes.  In the original draft of the script, SteepleJack’s motive for wanting to reboot society never sat well with me.  Here’s how the dialogue to Page 108, Panels 3-6 read at the time:

Panel 3.                            

HARVEY:  A SURROGATE WORLD?

WELCH:  THAT’S RIGHT.  AT VSI, OUR COMMITMENT HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO PROVIDE A SEAMLESS LIVING EXPERIENCE FOR EVERYONE.

Panel 4.

WELCH:  TO THAT END, WE’VE DEVELOPED A NEW SYSTEM OF MANUFACTURING THAT WILL NOT ONLY REDUCE THE PRODUCTION TIME PER UNIT, BUT MINIMIZE COSTS AS WELL.

Panel 5.

WELCH:  VSI ALREADY HAS A FOOTHOLD IN OTHER AFFLUENT COUNTRIES, BUT MORE AFFORDABLE MODELS AND THE CAPACITY TO MEET WITH INCREASED DEMAND WILL ALLOW US TO PENETRATE NEARLY ALL OF THE OVERSEAS MARKETS.

Panel 6.

WELCH:  THE NECESSARY OVERHAUL OF OUR PRODUCTION FACILITIES WILL BE COMPLETED IN TWO MONTHS.  INTERNATIONAL ORDERS ARE ALREADY POURING IN.

*yawn*  Besides being boring, there wasn’t enough was at stake—if nearly every adult in America is already operating a surrogate, then why would the sudden use of the technology in some faraway land push SteepleJack over the edge?

I was having dinner with my brother one night, telling him that I was feeling more than a little dejected that this key element of the book’s plot wasn’t pulling its narrative weight.  I’ve no idea how or where it came from, but suddenly it dawned on me that a much stronger motive would be the impending release of a line of surrogate units targeted specifically at kids.  I’d already laid the foundation for the change in the mock journalism article at the end of Chapter 3, which mentioned the murder of a homeless man by three surrogate-using teens. 

I emailed Brett Weldele a list of edits, and the changes were made just a few days before we sent the book to the printer:

 

 The Surrogates - Page 108

With the addition of a few minor adjustments to the dialogue in Chapter 5, the fix was in.  The eleventh-hour revising ultimately led to the driving force behind Flesh and Bone and crystallized the overarching theme of the entire Surrogates trilogy: the impact of our technological choices on future generations.  Small number of words, big difference.

(“Tennessee Williams: Someone to Laugh at the Squares With” and countless other essays can be found in Vidal’s United States: Essays 1952-1992.  I highly recommend it.)


One Response to “(un)scripted: It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”

  1. Ian Greenleigh
    11:30 pm on December 28th, 2009

    Robert-

    I’ll bet you still think of things you’d ideally go back and change, even this long after publication. I think this is a mark of a crafstman. Reading your post, I’m reminded that it never pays to get overly content with what we write. Put that way, this thirst can seem more like a curse, right? But in the end, it’s necessary to great art–it is what it is.

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